Death. Grief. Loss. Suffering.

This week my heart is heavy for my dear friends J&M. J's father died suddenly Sunday morning. He was just 60 years old. He was full of life and energy and plans for the future. He was going to watch the Super Bowl. He was going to see his grandkids. He had a sailing trip planned. He had so many years in front of him. 

How is it then that in one tiny moment, we go from living to dieing? We draw our last breath. We say our last word. We leave this world.

Death. Grief. Loss. Suffering.

Such heavy topics but such a big part of life.

I have had a number of conversations lately with people who have experienced great loss and suffering. Lessons learned. Lives changes. Hearts transformed.

This week I'd like to share some things I've heard recently about this topic. While I've experienced my small share of loss, I'm amazed at what we are called to face on our journey through life. 

While this topic is easy to shy away from, there's so much we can learn from one another.

J&M, praying for you both, loving you and grieving alongside you.

Celebrating Gotcha Day!

I can't believe its been a year.

An entire year since we went to court and swore to love and care for our son.

Here's the Dear Samuel post I wrote one year ago today and here are the pics taken in the court room.

So much has changed since then.

And yet so much hasn't.

We are still madly in love with our little man.

What a blessing it is to acknowledge what this day means to our families. Samuel was born on October 3, but he was oficially born into our family on February 5.

So tonight we will celebrate with our families the one-year anniversary of Gotcha Day. We will celebrate our miracle come true.

P.S. If you've adopted I'd love to hear how you celebrate Gotcha Day with your family!

To have a three-year old?

I was up early this morning. Yep you guessed it, kids. Lauren needed some attention at 2:45 a.m. this morning and I am not sure I ever went back to sleep. Ordinarily I might find myself complaining, but then I remembered today is February 4.

What is February 4?

The expected birthday of our first child. That's right, February 4, 2007 was the expected birthday for our first pregnancy. Remembering back to that loss and the pain and agony we felt then, helped me rejoice in the privileged I have in waking up to take care of my daughter today.

While I am not sure I will ever stop grieving that loss, I am thankful for what it has taught me. It has taught me that the person I was back in 2007 was immature. I took for granted what the gift of life means. I am so happy that Stacy and I could struggle through this together. When I was weak (often) she was strong (often). Together our faith has grown.

I am so happy today that I am not in control. I am in tears thinking about the love I have for the gifts I have received in Samuel Lee and Lauren Ruby. What an awesome responsibility. But I still remember our loss and need to say Happy Birthday little one!

Words on waiting

My friend R just got what she would consider her "dream job." She waited years for this job. She was in a job she very much disliked for a long time. It was suppose to be a temporary gig and then the job market went south and she was there much longer than anticipated. 

Not too long ago doors began opening, God's hand began moving and on Monday she started her dream job in which she will greatly impact the lives of kids, parents and families in need. 

Through her time of waiting she was challenged, suffered, longed, got angry, was impatient, and had emotional breakdowns. Waiting was hard and at times it seemed futile.

But today R sees how God's hand was working years ago to bring her the experience she needed for this job. And she can see how He was molding her heart for this position.

 

The same goes for me. God knew what he was doing making me wait for children. Of this, I have no doubt. 

This parenting thing is tricky. Hard. Challenging. 

And here's the conclusion I came to the other day: had I not had to wait for my family I would not have appreciated what I have today. 

I would have been more impatient. easily frustrated. very unappreciative. 

God knew. He knew I need to wait on Him so when I got to this season of life I could be reminded that this is what I waited so long for. My heart needed to be broken and rebuilt. I need to mature. Grow. Learn to be unselfish (what marriage hadn't already taught me about selfishness).

I needed to wait...otherwise it wouldn' have been pretty - for me or my kids.

Not only did I need to wait for me, but I also needed to wait for Samuel. God had a master plan for a little baby boy but that plan didn't go into effect until October 2008 (or, if you want to get picky, nine moths prior to that).

So when we are called to wait, I think it's 1) for our own good. God sees areas of our lives that need refining, molding, growth. Waiting requires complete and total dependence on the Lord.  2) because what we're waiting for isn't quite ready...be that a spouse, child, job, etc. For it is in God's timing that He makes everything beautiful!

Joy

The joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

A friend reminded me of this passage last night and it hit me hard. 

Do I really believe the words of Nehemiah 8:10?

Do I believe that my strength comes from having a relationship with the Lord?

Since I am praying for strength and energy these days, it seems quite appropriate to ponder this topic of joy and strength.

And so today I ask myself: where does my strength come from each day? 

Not from other Christ followers.

Not from the Church. 

Not from a pastor. 

From the King of Kings and Lord of Lords himself. 

Happiness is dependent on my circumstances. Joy is based on my relationship with the Lord. During hard times, I've learned I can still dig deep and find joy if it is truly from the Lord.

Just some thoughts I'm pondering (and trying to implement) today...

Sleeping Beauty

I know I'm biased, but I think our sleeping beauty is getting cuter and cuter....

A new day

That's what today is....a new day. 

We had a very sweet night of sleep after many nights of very little sleep. Samuel is healthy and I believe Lauren is finally getting over her cold as well. Praise the Lord!

The coffee is brewing, and waffles and sausage are cooking. 

We just danced around the kitchen to Keith Urban's Somebody Like You. 

Life is good. 

No, life is grand and God is good.