Nine years ago

It's 3:15 p.m. Lauren just went down for a nap. Samuel will be up any minute.

Ryan will be home at 4:30 to take me out to dinner for our anniversary. Samuel is staying overnight at Gpa and Gma's house. Lauren is being cared for by our friends while we are at dinner.

I am standing in front of the mirror remembering nine years ago today. I was in a beautiful white dress. My hair had been styled by a professional. My sister had applied my make-up. I was wearing pearls. My grandmother's hanky was in my hand. I had prepared, prepped, groomed, styled, and shopped for this day.

Nine years later I am in my bathroom. I have 30 min max to get ready before Samuel wakes up. I showered earlier - thank goodness. I hadn't brushed my teeth all day. I can see the bags under my eyes. My hands are bleeding because my skin continues to be dry and cracked from all the handwashing that makes up my day. My shirt smells like spit up. I didn't have time to blow-dry my hair this morning so it hangs limply. My eyes sting because they are so tired from days that end too late and start too early. My hips are wider and my tummy is rounder.

Curling iron. Jewelry. Clean shirt. Perfume to cover up the spit up. Cover up to mask the bags. Crest to make conversation over dinner bearable. Lotion. Eye drops.

I have changed a lot in the past nine years - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Praise the Lord Ryan has walked alongside me every step of the way.

Happy Anniversary sweetheart.

Chicken Fried

Samuel loves to dance and this morning I caught him and Ryan dancing in the kitchen to Chicken Fried by the Zac Brown Band. Country seems to have the best dancing music!


What songs do you dance to????

17 months

Samuel is 17 months today. He is...active. And that might be putting it mildly. This stage is about learning...every week, almost every day he learns something new or tries something he hasn't tried before (good or bad).

In the last week my curious 17-month-old has:

learned how to open door knobs

learned how to lift the lid to the toilet (after opening the bathroom door!)

dumped out a plant on the kitchen table and ate the dirt

grabbed a bar of soap during his bath and started eating it

learned how to climb on the kitchen chairs (and helped himself to a banana without peeling it - see pic below)
tried to feed his sister a carrot and put a toothbrush in her mouth
grabbed M&Ms from a bowl on the table and stuffed them in his mouth while sitting on my lap (he doesn't get candy!)

At this age Samuel loves...
... to laugh, giggle, run and hide and have us chase him, and be anywhere his sister is. If you were a fly on the wall in our house, you would frequently hear the phrase, "Please don't sit on your sister" over and over again throughout the day. He LOVES his sister and wants nothing more than to sit in the crib or pack-n-play with her (or on her).

...being around and playing with other kids for the most part, although toy sharing is definitely not on his radar at this age. He has fun with his two cousins (Aaron and Jonathan - both less than a year older than him). 

...to walk and run outside, at the mall, anywhere! His energy is endless.

...to have us read books to him. This week his Favorite is The Little Gorilla. Others that top the list are The Monster at the End of This Book, I Love You Stinky Face, Goodnight Gorilla and Curious George.

...his nuk, satin pink blankets (which are clearly his sisters but he doesn't understand that) and his lovies (teddies attached to blankets). He will walk around the house all day every day with those three things if I let him.

...music and dancing. I have taught him the sign for dancing and he will ask to dance multiple times every day as he points to the iPod docking station in the kitchen. I wonder what my neighbors think when they see mom and son dancing around the kitchen every day?!

...cell phones, keys, remote controls, cameras, television, and computers. Anything with batteries, buttons, knobs. When he has something he shouldn't, he runs to a corner. So we know that he knows it's 'not a toy.'

Every day with my 17-month-old is wonderfully precious, incredibly difficult, completely exhausting, and absolutely one of the most amazing experiences of my life!

This moment

The kids and I met Ryan for lunch today. As we were heading back to the car, Samuel had so much fun walking around soaking in the warm sun. Ryan held Samuel's hand and said to me, "This moment makes it worth the wait."

Done differently?

A reader asked the following question from my Ask Me post in December:

Looking back now that you have two beautiful children, is there anything you would have done differently?

Amazingly Ryan and I can only think of one thing each that we would have done differently. Praise the Lord we lived those years with no regrets!

Stacy - I wish I had journaled more. I filled up one notebook with my journaling and I am so thankful I have that notebook, but I do wish I had five of them filled with my feelings, heartache, fears, life lessons, and trials. Looking back on those notes would be an even greater reminder today of God's faithfulness through my time of loss and waiting.

Ryan - I wish I hadn't rushed off to work every single week morning. Looking back I could have taken more time in the morning to relax, drink coffee and soak in moments with my wife.


The list of what Ryan and I would NOT have done differently is much longer. As we were compiling this list we both felt so grateful for the opportunities we took advantage of during our waiting season:

Travel
Went on lots of dates and dinner out
Took two missions trips to the Dominican Republic
Volunteered in Louisiana after Hurricane Katrina
Ryan got his MBA
Ryan became an overseer at church (2-year, twice-monthly commitment)
We served at church on the leadership team and as small group leaders
Saw lots of movies in the theater - even midnight showings!
Stayed up late and slept in late
Ryan watched Meet the Press on Sunday mornings while quietly sipping a *warm* cup of coffee
Stacy read tons of books and scrapbooked often
Joined a health club and worked out frequently
Enjoyed lots of social time with friends
We moved from the suburbs to Minneapolis to help start Milly City Church (I plan to post more on this decision soon...)

Jesus Loves Me

Every night when I put one or both of the kids to bed, I sing Jesus Loves Me to them. I started to sing it to Samuel when he was a baby and now do the same with Lauren. I hold them or rock them and sing quietly in their ear the precious words of truth that Jesus loves them.

When Samuel has been sick and I have rocked him for many many minutes, I often wondered if there were other verses besides the first that I learned as a little girl.

As it turns out, there are more verses!

I went online awhile back and I learned that this song was written in 1860 as a poem. How sweet it is that these lyrics have been sung for so very long.

Here is some background on the song and all of the verses. I printed them out and put them inside a cupboard door in my kitchen. I am memorizing them all so I can sing each verse to my precious miracles!

What a privilege it is to teach my children that Jesus loves them.

"Jesus Loves Me" simply states the profound truth of God's love. It was originally written in 1860 as a poem by Anna B. Warner and included as part of a story meant to comfort the heart of a dying child. In 1861 it was put to music by William Bradbury, who added the chorus and published it as a part of his hymnal collection, The Golden Sower.

Jesus Loves Me

Jesus loves me!

This I know,

For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to Him belong;

They are weak but He is strong.

Jesus loves me!

Loves me still,

Tho I'm very weak and ill,

That I might from sin be free,

Bled and died upon the tree.

Jesus loves me!

He who died

Heaven's gate to open wide;

He will wash away my sin,

Let His little child come in.

Jesus loves me!

He will stay

Close beside me all the way.

Thou hast bled and died for me;

I will henceforth live for Thee.

Chorus:

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

The Bible tells me so.

Six little words

Years ago I read the book "The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman." If you are not familiar with this book, the five love languages are ways that we give and accept love. The five are words of affirmation, touch, gifts, acts of service and quality time.

I have always said that my number one love language was gifts. I LOVE giving gifts. Not just at the expected gift-giving times, but rather as I see or find gifts that I know people would love or that make me happy to purchase or create for them. And, I love getting gifts too. I already have my birthday list going on a post-it note on the side of my fridge :)

Anyway. Back to my point.

In this season of my life, I think my number one love language is changing.

These days with two little ones, little sleep, little energy and too much to do, there is a really important question that I need Ryan to ask me. 

I love hearing it. 

It does my heart good. 

Anytime day or night, before dinner and especially before we retire for the evening, I need Ryan to ask me, "What can I do to help?"

Acts of service are my lifeline these days.

Empty the dishwasher. Throw in a load of laundry. Fill my car with gas or get it washed. Clean up the kitchen after dinner. Run to the grocery store or Target at 8:00 at night. Pick up around the house. Feed, bathe, or dress the kids. Take out the garbage and recycling. Fix the squeaky door to Lauren's room. Vacuum the upstairs. On and on the list goes.

Ryan is GREAT at meeting this ever-changing need of mine.

But I realized recently that I needed to communicate to him that I want him to ask me, "What can I do to help?"

In my head are hundreds of unspoken expectations. "Why doesn't he offer to fold laundry while he watches TV?" or "How come he can't see the light bulb needs to be changed?" or "I wish he would put away the diaper bags when I get home late at night."

Instead of dwelling on these 'unspoken desires' I am teaching him to ask me "What can I do to help?".

Some might say, if he really knew me or if he really loved me, he would know how to meet these needs. 

Hogwash.

My needs change yearly...monthly...weekly...sometimes even daily. (Or Ryan might add minute by minute).

So instead of getting angry, or frustrated or bitter, I just remind him to ask me: "What can I do to help?"

Those six little words are music to my ears!

P.S. Just as I finished typing this Ryan came downstairs from feeding Lauren a late-night bottle, and he offered to put the milk I had pumped earlier into the fridge. Oh...my love tank is overflowing!