To our birth mother on Mother's Day

My Facebook post for today....

To our birth mother: Thinking about you today and the courageous decision you made entrusting Ryan May and I with the gift of your son. This is my 5th Mother's Day today because of you. I looked at Samuel this morning and thought, "I can't believe he's mine." We honor you today and we are eternally grateful.

I am raising him and that takes grace and perseverance and endless patience and energy. But she chose to allow someone else to care for him and teach him and love him and that takes strength times one million. She is, and will always be, our amazing birth mother.

I would wait all over again...for one thousand years...to unwrap the beauty of these precious gifts that call me mama.

Would you like prayer for Mother's Day?

While I've completely neglected my blog the past few weeks, I think of you, my readers, so often and the journey the Lord has has each of you on. When you email me and share your story, or leave a comment, my heart is reminded that God still has so many of us in waiting seasons.

As I have the past few years, I would like to offer to pray for anyone who requests prayer for Mother's Day weekend. If you find yourself facing your first--or your fifth--Mother's Day with empty arms, please leave a comment below and I will be on my knees this weekend lifting you before our Heavenly Father. You may leave your name anonymously if that is more comfortable for you.

It is my desire to pray for those of you who:

• want healing for a heart that is broken, bitter or hardened from years of waiting
• need to be reminded that your identity lies in Christ, not in your role as a parent 
• are striving to trust that God's plan is worth waiting for
• feel a sense of deep sadness or loneliness as you wait for children
• need perseverance to continue to wait in trust and faith for the God of perfect timing
• just desire a little extra prayer for comfort and hope to get through this weekend.

The prayers of many people have carried me through my seasons of waiting and I would consider it a privilege to pray for you. Please don't hesitate to comment below!

I post the following story each year around Mother's Day. It's my story of how the God of restoration healed my heart as I waited on Him. 


The Year I Skipped Mother's Day (from the archives, May 2009):

One year ago today I could not face the reality that another Mother’s Day was upon us. My dreams of motherhood were unfulfilled, and I did everything possible to avoid facing the day that so many families celebrated. My husband and I enjoyed a lazy and relaxing Sunday morning. We didn’t go to church and we didn’t see our families.

Proverbs 13:12 says, “A hope deferred makes the heart sick.” Last year my heart was desperately sick. For nearly three years my husband and I had walked the road of infertility and miscarriages.


We lost our first little one at 10 weeks in July 2006. For the next two years we struggled to conceive again. We pleaded with God. We begged God. We petitioned God. But His answer was no. His answer was, “Wait on me.”

Waiting is hard. It’s full of questions, doubts, and fears.
And for me, the pain of waiting was magnified one year ago today when everywhere I looked I was reminded that others were celebrating a gift that God had not yet given to me. Mother’s Day 2008 represented the tender reality that my womb was still empty. I was 32. It had been 22 months since our miscarriage and my heart was bitter, broken and hardened.

Last summer led me on a journey of dealing with the resentment, anger and bitterness that had taken root in my heart. This was difficult, yet necessary, as I longed to walk in the freedom of God’s grace and forgiveness.

And finally, in August of last year, I discovered I was pregnant. Surely this was God’s blessing as a result of the healing that had taken place in my heart. At 7 weeks we heard a beautiful heartbeat. But at 9 weeks we were told, for the second time, our baby had died in my womb.

My dreams of motherhood vanished as quickly as they had come. And another bitter root threatened to grow.

But in God’s great mercy he didn’t allow that to happen. Just 24 days later God took my waiting and showed me it was not in vain.

On October 4, 2008, we got a call about a baby boy born in Waconia the day before. He was just 24 hours old. Were we interested? We had not started the adoption process, but we jumped in the car and went to the hospital to meet the birth mom. Within an hour she told us she would like us to adopt our son, whom we promptly named Samuel. We took him home two days later.

For seven months we have not stopped praising God for Samuel’s miraculous arrival into our lives. We are in awe of God’s timing and God’s plans for our family. And we continue to live in awe of the author and creator of life: in January we discovered that I was pregnant. Samuel will become a big brother this fall. Our story continues to be a beautiful reminder that despite all of our planning, God alone determines our future.

Today, Mother’s Day 2009, I could celebrate that my future will hold children just 11 months apart. I could celebrate that my battle with infertility has come to an end.

But instead, today I choose to celebrate that God restored my soul…before He restored my circumstances. I celebrate that He healed my heart. I celebrate freedom from the bondage of bitterness. I celebrate the blessing of waiting on the Lord.

We serve a God of surprises

God brought Ryan and I our first – and very biggest – surprise in October 2008: a baby boy. As you know, in just 5 hours we became parents to Samuel who has since taken over our hearts with his love, energy and big heart. We are crazy about this kid and can’t believe this year we will celebrate five years of life with him. What an honor. What a blessing. Our hearts are full of gratitude.

In January 2009 God brought us another surprise when we learned Samuel was going to be a big brother. We had tried and planned to get pregnant for more than three years. But we saw our plans erased when two pregnancies and years of waiting resulted in multiple miscarriages. When we least expected it – while we were in the midst of learning the ropes of parenthood – God sent us another surprise and today we call her Lauren. She has captured our hearts and we are madly in love with our sweet girl.

It is with a mixture of great joy and disbelief that I write to tell you that God has granted us a third surprise on our journey to parenthood. Although I have known about this for some time now, as I write these words tears fill my eyes because of the precious and unexpected miracle that is taking place within me. I can honestly say I didn’t ever think I would conceive again and yet I have. Our third child is expected to make his/her arrival on or around September 25.

My mom pointed out recently that all of our children have been surprises. In thinking about that, I realize she is absolutely right. The times when we have tried to control the growth of our family led us to frustration, disappointment and heartache as we waited on God and experienced the grief of multiple miscarriages.

It's only when God had our attention elsewhere, that He saw fit to send us our surprises. That's not everyone's story, but it's ours.

Many friends have asked how I feel about this surprise. Ryan and I knew we wanted a third child, we just didn’t care if he/she was biological or adopted. So my overwhelming response is that I feel incredibly privileged to have this opportunity. I have had one ultrasound that immediately put to rest my concerns about miscarrying. I saw the very tiny flutter of a heartbeat and was reminded again that God is the author and perfector and creator of life. Life does not begin outside the womb – it begins at the moment of conception. Our baby at just six weeks was already growing and developing the heart that he/she will have for the rest of his/her life. And I pray that this little heart would one day come to know and love Jesus.

While I feel incredibly privileged to experience the miracle of pregnancy again, my heart hurts and aches for those of you who read these words and it causes you pain. Because I know. I have been there. I clearly remember when pregnancy announcements put me in tears. I am under no illusions that some of you will not feel that same pain and I understand. And I want you to know that it’s OK. As you wait on God – for a baby or whatever else your heart desires – may you find the God of perfect timing dries your tears and holds you closely as you place your hope in Him.  

I will not be posting pictures of the baby’s nursery or writing daily updates on the pregnancy. That’s not the purpose of this blog nor is it where my heart is. I will continue to write about God’s timing, God’s endless and overwhelming grace in my life and all that He is teaching me through this journey of life. Our family is embarking on a new chapter. It’s filled with anticipation, excitement and, yes, a bit of anxiety about the future as well. But our God is a provider, protector and sustainer.

And He is, most definitely, a God of surprises.

"The right to a family is a basic human right"

Stuck is an award-winning documentary currently traveling around the country that tells the heart-wrenching stories of children and parents who are navigating through the international adoption system.

 

Stuck shares that:

• There are an estimated 10 million children in orphanages world-wide waiting for families to adopt them.
• International adoptions to the U.S. have declined by 50% in the past five years. 
• "The world has stopped paying attention."
• "The right to a family is a basic human right."

 

"The purpose of the film is to help the average person understand the issues and create a movement that will ultimately put pressure on U.S. officials to force a more supportive attitude toward International Adoption."

 

It's going to 60 cities in 80 days (it's already been on tour since March 1 and continues through May 16). The tour ends in Washington D.C. with a Step Forward for Orphans March on May 17.

I am attending the viewing on April 23 in Minneapolis. If you are local, please join me in supporting this cause and raising awareness.

 

If the tour isn't coming to your city (or you missed it), you can buy the documentary online for the cost of one meal at a restuarant. And, you support Both Ends Burning with your purchase.

I cannot watch this trailer (embedded below) without crying. Every. Single. Time. Please take two minutes and watch it.

You don't need to be an adoptive parent to support adoption. God calls us ALL to care for orphans. You need only have a heart for His children. 

Has God trusted you with a silence?

By Oswald Chambers:

"When he heard that He was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was." John 11:6

Has God trusted you with His silence— a silence that has great meaning? God’s silences are actually His answers. Just think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything comparable to those days in your life? Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking Him for a visible answer? God will give you the very blessings you ask if you refuse to go any further without them, but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into an even more wonderful understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? When you cannot hear God, you will find that He has trusted you in the most intimate way possible— with absolute silence, not a silence of despair, but one of pleasure, because He saw that you could withstand an even bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, then praise Him— He is bringing you into the mainstream of His purposes. The actual evidence of the answer in time is simply a matter of God’s sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you may have said, “I asked God to give me bread, but He gave me a stone instead” (see Matthew 7:9). He did not give you a stone, and today you find that He gave you the “bread of life” (John 6:35).

A wonderful thing about God’s silence is that His stillness is contagious— it gets into you, causing you to become perfectly confident so that you can honestly say, “I know that God has heard me.” His silence is the very proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will always bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of His silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, then He will give you the first sign of His intimacy— silence.

Good Friday: Oh how He loves

He loves, oh how He loves. Grateful. Oh how I'm grateful...


The Sun Stops Shining (for the little people):



And for the bigger people (5 minutes that leave me a grieving, grateful mess):

Holy Week at our house

My clearest childhood memory of Easter is singing at church:

Up from the grave He arose, With a mighty triumph o'er His foes, He arose a Victor from the dark domain, And He lives forever, with His saints to reign. He arose! He arose! Hallelujah! Christ arose!

I looked forward to that song every year and the jubilation with which we sang those words.
As an adult I’ve come to appreciate Holy Week and all that it represents. I'm recognizing that Easter is about so much more than 12 hours of celebrating on Sunday.

In an email from Connected Families this week, titled "Are Your Easter Traditions Leaving a Legacy of Faith?" they made this statement: "It can be easy to let Holy Week slide by in a blur, but we challenge you to be intentional about the message and values behind the traditions you embrace with your family."

Whether you have children or not, Holy Week can certainly slip by in a blur of activity. This week can become about last-minute errands, grocery shopping, cleaning and Easter basket preparation. It becomes about Spring Break or visiting family and the meaning of Holy Week gets lost in the hustle.

I'm not sure where I read these powerful words:
"Before we can celebrate the resurrection, we must first take time to recognize the loss that precedes the miracle."

That’s what Holy Week is about. Recognizing the loss that precedes the miracle. We can each do that in our own unique ways, but here’s what’s taking place in our home this week to honor all that Holy Week represents:

Love to the Uttermost
Ryan and I are reading this ebook by John Piper. There are 8 readings for the week. It’s definitely something to prepare one’s heart to honor Christ’s death and resurrection. It provides a thought-provoking perspective on the week’s events and Scripture that we’ve read numerous times.

Matthew 28:5-6
As a family we are memorizing Matthew 28:5-6 this week: The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; He has risen, just as He said.”
Thus far the kids have down, “He is not here; He has risen, just as He said.” Apparently we are memorizing from the end to the beginning. It doesn’t matter. As long as they know we serve a RISEN Savior, nothing else matters.  

Easter Playlist
I’ve been trying to teach Lauren the words to When I Survey the Wondrous Cross. Turns out I really know the words to the more contemporary version, The Wonderful Cross, so we’ve been listening to and practicing that. Other songs on our playlist this week that keep us in prayerful reverence and thankful grief:

• I Stand Amazed
• Redeemer
• In Christ Alone (Then bursting forth in glorious day up from the grave he rose again...if listening to this doesn't give you chills all over, turn up your music).
• Jesus, Only Jesus (or anything on the new Passion 2013 album. Love. It.)
• Jesus Paid it All (O Praise Him)

A Broken Hallelujah
I’ve read this three times and I just keep reading it. If you read nothing else this week, read this: http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/03/25/a-broken-hallelujah

Each year my heart is drawn more and more to the Easter season and it becomes such a tender time. I understand the sacrifice of Good Friday and the miracle of Resurrection Sunday to a greater depth every year. I find myself living in a constant tension between the secular Easter celebrations and what truly honors the greatest gift we’ve ever been given. Jen’s honesty and authenticity challenges my heart about how to best show Christ's love on Easter.

The Most Important Story Ever
We’re reading about the events of Holy Week from the various children’s Bibles that we have at home. This is when Samuel asks deep theological questions like, “What color were Jesus’ burial clothes?”
We are reading about Christ’s death and resurrection from:
The Big Picture Story Bible
The Jesus Storybook Bible
My First Message

Dark Friday
I’m not sure how/if this will pan out, but we're planning to turn all the lights in our house off at 3 p.m. on Friday to represent when Jesus died and the world went black. We'll keep them off for the remainder of the evening. Maybe we’ll use candles once the sun sets. I’m not sure. We haven’t done this before, but I really want to do something in a tangible way that will allow my kids to comprehend as best they can what took place on Good Friday. It’s so much more than a day off of school and work. I have preparations that needs to be done for Sunday as well, but I won’t be doing them on Friday. Instead we’ll remember Good Friday for what it is: the day that changed the world for eternity. I hope you can take time to honor Christ’s sacrifice in a way that best fits your family.

Resurrection Sunday
This is a day of celebration. Not about bunnies or eggs or baskets. Though there will be some of that when we head to Ryan’s aunt’s home. But because we’ve taken time to recognize and honor the loss that precedes the miracle, today we will celebrate that Jesus Is Alive. We’ll attend church and sing about our Savior. We’ll spend the day with family. We’ll read about an empty tomb. We will celebrate that Jesus conquered death and He lives. He Lives! And the kids will probably hear me humming Up from the grace He arose, With a mighty triumph o'er His foes...

What do you do to honor Holy Week in your home (now or as a child)? What are your favorite songs/hymns to listen to during the Easter season? Do you have a book or devotional that you read annually to prepare your heart to acknowledge Christ’s death and resurrection? Please share by leaving a comment. I would love to learn what traditions you participate in.