Thursday, December 18, 2008

I have not forgotten

There is a lot written about the happiness, joy and laughter that the holidays bring. Light-hearted articles that discuss particular baking methods for the perfect Christmas cookie. Radio stations playing non-stop Christmas music. Television commercials reminding us that happiness is just one gift away.

This Christmas is different for our family because of our blessed miracle. But I have not forgotten the pain of the past few Christmas seasons. Often times that pain would be multiplied at family gatherings when little ones would be in abundance or I would overhear someone else receiving the congratulations that I so desperately desired.

I recall sitting in our church auditorium last year, days before Christmas, with a good friend who had miscarried in December. What does one do with that pain during 'the most wonderful time of the year?'

Today I acknowledge my friends (both those I have met in person and those I have not) who are facing this Christmas with empty arms or an empty womb. Friends have recently miscarried and the healing has just begun. Others have only received less-than-stellar news from their doctor about their chances of having biological children. Others are just waiting to see what the Lord has in store for their future family.

While some might think it is depressing of me to blog about this topic or insensitive of me to acknowledge it so publicly, having walked the lonely road of infertility I know that you just want people to be aware of your pain.

I've been there: at the Christmas party, smile plastered on my face while inside I am dieing because the holidays mark another season, another milestone where my prayer had gone unanswered. People avoid the topic. They know you are childless (not by choice) and so they ask about your house, your work, your pets...anything but the topic of children.

Or people don't know and so they say, "Are you working on some grandkids (wink, wink)?"

This Christmas I am praying for those who will not have the gift their heart so desperately desires. I am pondering what it would have been like to feel a little life growing inside of me on Christmas morn - the day our Savior came to earth. I am asking God to be present and real in a powerful way and to give strength when the journey just seems so difficult.

Oh friends, please know that I understand. I care. And I have not forgotten.


Anonymous said...

Your post really hit home for me today. I think it's wonderful you acknowledge the pain, because there are so many people feeling it.

Each day, I thank God for my blessings, because I know they are many. But each day I ask for God's gift of a child in my womb. I feel selfish asking, I feel selfish wanting it so badly. I can't help it though.

I'll know Sunday if this round of infertility treatments worked, or if my husband and I will have more trying in front of us. I hope on this Christmas I have the good news I've longed for, but more than anything, I hope I can find peace and understanding in whatever happens.

Your blog is beautiful. I wish you and your family the happiest of Christmas's.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the wonderful words in your blog. I look forward to reading it as a daily devotional and as a reminder of God's unfailing love.

Matt and Jess Andersen said...

Stacey, when are you going to write a book? Your writing is so soothing to read, even when the topic is difficult. What a God-given gift! Give Samuel a kiss from us! Can't wait to meet him!

Anonymous said...

Stacy - I know this is none of my business, so feel free to tell me that. . . ;-)

I am suffering from infertility right now and the most important thing to me is to be a mother, no matter how it happens. Because of that, I've begun researching adoption agencies just for some general information, but none of them have any costs on them.

Would you ever be willing to blog on the cost of adoption? How this would all be easier if we all had unlimited funds. . .

Stacy said...

It is really not as expensive as most people think. I will talk with my husband, tally up our adoption bills and post on adoption costs after the holidays. We are more than willing to share anything that will encourage others to consider adoption!

Anonymous said...

Thank you Stacy! I would really love that information. I see how much adoption has blessed your lives, and that fills me with so much hope.