Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Option A

I was driving in the car yesterday...thinking about Samuel, life, trials, etc.

It really hit me for the first time that I have experienced miscarriage, infertility and adoption. I know that I have experienced all of them separately, but I hadn't ever really thought about the fact that I have dealt with all three in my life. I am not sure why I didn't realize before yesterday that all three of those experiences are a major part of me and my life story.

I also realized that none of those experiences are Option A. None are the ideal. None are the first choice of parents-to-be. I want to acknowledge that there are parents who choose to forego having their own biological children and opt to adopt and that is their first choice. God bless them.

But, for the most part, adoption, miscarriage and infertility are not one's initial choice.

How then have I walked the road of all three?

The ideal is to try to concieve, take a pregnancy test, see a positive response and nine months later have a healthy baby.

As I was pondering this all yesterday I thought about the
J U B I L A T I O N I experienced when I got a positive result on my pregnancy test in August of this year. I was in shock and overwhelmed with joy and gratitude and sheer delight. I was ecstacic.

Then I thought about the feelings that overcame me when I was told on October 4 that the sweet bundle I was looking at with my eyes was being given to me. A priceless gift. Once again, I felt absolute
J U B I L A T I O N. I didn't have to wait 9 months. I walked into the nursery and held my miracle within minutes.

To be fair, both the pregnancy and the adoption held a significant number of unknowns: would the baby be healthy? Would we miscarry? Would the birthmom change her mind? Would the birthfather claim his parental rights?

We couldn't have known what either road held for us. We couldn't have known that our first choice for parenthood would not come to be.

Miscarriage. Infertility. Adoption. Not our first choice. Not Option A. But ultimately the best choice because we can't imagine not having Samuel in our lives.

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