Music played a profound role in my life during my miscarriages and years of infertility. Looking back, I can recall specific times when a song spoke to my heart like nothing else could.
On July 9, 2006, we were at Ryan's aunt and uncle's house. He had family in from the East Coast and his uncle, a pastor, had just led us in singing Great is Thy Faithfulness as we all sat in the kitchen together. I remember that morning with such clarity. I sang along with our family members and believed every word I sang.
Then I walked into the bathroom and in an instant life changed. I just knew something wasn't quite right with my body.
Looking back, I do not think it was a coincidence that we had just sang of God's faithfulness. God's faithfulness was great before I walked into the bathroom, and His faithfulness was great after I walked out. Circumstances changed. My life changed. My future forever changed. But God did not change. His faithfulness was as real, consistent and faithful as always.
After I miscarried, a friend sent me a CD she had made with various songs on it. I listened to that CD over and over and over again. The first one was a song called With Hope by Steven Curtis Chapman. The song is about the loss of a child and the lyrics reminded me that in times of loss "we can cry with hope, we can say goodbye with hope, because we know our goodbye is not the end."
Just a few weeks later, one of my best friend's told me she was pregnant. It was so difficult for her to share this news with me having just walked alongside me through my miscarriage. Her pregnancy was very much wanted, but the timing was just a little earlier than expected.
The night she told me I remember driving down the county road where I lived at the time into the sunset listening to Joy Williams The Love of the Lord Endures. I blared it on my radio as tears streamed down my face. I combated all my grief and pain and loss with the truth that God's love would endure through my heartache and loss.
When my heart was raw I found comfort and peace in listening to songs that gave me faith, encouragement and hope in a God who was bigger than my hurt.
Here are a few of the songs that have touched my life so profoundly: