Monday, April 20, 2009

A day for rejoicing...and a day for mourning

Dear Sweet Baby Girl,
It is so strange for me to write those words. To know that you are growing inside me and that one day I will meet you, is incomprehensible. What if you come out a sweet baby boy? Then I will have some explaining to do when you read this letter :)

Today is a day for rejoicing....and it's a day for mourning.

How is that possible? Both in one day?

Because Baby Girl we serve a God of amazing timing.

Today we rejoice because April 20 marks the 20-week point in my pregnancy. We are exactly half way through the pregnancy and that means half way until we meet you. We rejoice in this good news and the blessing of a healthy baby. I haven't felt you move yet, but I will soon and then maybe I will really start believing you are in there...getting bigger and stronger and more beautiful each day. For now, it just seems like I've eaten one too many brownies and my tummy is showing the consequences.

There are many baby girl who are rejoicing over the gift of your new life. There are many who are encouraged by the story of you and God's timing in bringing you into our lives.

Yes we rejoice in the beat of your strong little heart, your precious foot on the ultrasound and your incredible profile.

We rejoice that we have made it to 20 weeks of your little life. What a milestone!

Amazingly, today is also the exact due date of our precious second baby that we lost in September. April 20, 2009, was the baby's due date.

I was so excited that our baby might be born on your grandma or grandpa's birthday on the 22 or 24 of this month.

But that wasn't to be.

Instead God gave us Samuel and we didn't even know of a due date for that little man!

And then He gave us you and we wait for your arrival on September 7 of this year.

As I rejoice in your life growing inside me, I mourn the life that left me all-too-soon last fall. I mourn the life I never got to hold or meet.

But I believe with all my heart in God's perfect timing so I must acknowledge how incredible it is that the rejoicing and mourning of today fall on the exact same date.

How good of our God to allow me to rejoice in the 20-week mark of your life on the day that your brother or sister was to be born.

Sometimes its too much to think about. Sometimes its too hard to comprehend. Sometimes there is a crazy mixture of emotions that I can hardly muddle through. Do I laugh? Should I be crying? How do I rejoice and mourn simultaneously?

But it doesn't really matter if I can figure out all my emotions.

It doesn't really matter that I can't begin to understand the wonder of God's timing and His plans.

All I truly know is this: There is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Today we do both of those and give glory to God through it all.


Flakymn said...

I didn't feel like Elijah was real even after I felt him move. After so many years waiting, could it really be possible?

Now, at nearly 11 weeks old, he is just starting to be real to me ... and what a real gift he is!

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Wow. God's perfect timing, indeed- - you couldn't have planned that if you tried!

God never ceases to amaze me (even when He's confusing me, lol!)