Thursday, April 9, 2009

My blessing...or yours?

Recently I've been feeling guilty.

Guilty about being pregnant when I already have Samuel.

Guilty that I will have two miracles when I have dear friends who are longing for one.

I struggle with this guilt...not all the time, but enough that I'm aware of it. Enough that I wonder why God is blessing our family again.

When I was waiting for my miracle, it was so hard to hear about others who got pregnant and didn't want to be. Or hadn't really tried. Or it was a surprise. Or they had 1, then 2, then 3 kids.
I just wanted one baby and I begged God for that blessing. I begged him to give me a baby instead of drug addicts, or negligent moms, or women that already had multiple children.

What I learned during my time of waiting (and what I am still learning today) is that God had - and has - a blessing in store for me that is independent of anyone else's blessing.
Their blessing could never be mine. My blessing could never be theirs. I'm not taking away anyone else's blessing and they are not taking away mine.

I didn't have to wait nearly 3 1/2 years to conceive a healthy baby because other people were getting their miracle first. The timing of the baby in my womb
was decided long before today (see this post in case you've forgotten my view on that).

I clung to this reminder during my days of waiting...and I still cling to it today: "God does not operate on a "First come, first served" basis and His plan for your family does not change because of what others receive. The blessings He grants someone else do not lessen what He has in store for you, just as the length of someone else's suffering does not take precedence over your prayers when he answers requests." - Moments for Couples

We are not competing for one another's blessings. God delivers each and every blessing...and he hands them out in His timing and according to His perfect plan.


Life In Mazes said...

I realized the same thing this past week. I am still waiting for my miracle, but I know they will come when God's timing is right! So glad you are being blessed with so many beautiful miracles at this time in your life.
Please don't feel guilty. I believe this is just the way God has always desired to build your family! Enjoy your Easter! The time to celebrate NEW LIFE!

Stacey said...

Absolutely! Oh, I wish you would never have those feelings of guilt again. You are so right -- God has a different plan for each and every one of us. His blessings abound and He never runs out of them!

Stacy, God is still using you to minister to others. The experiences you've had, the struggles and the blessings, have made you who you are. Thank you for ministering to and being so gracious to me. I couldn't be happier that you are living your dream with your precious babies!

Flakymn said...

I wrote a very similar post.

It is such an identity crisis. I don't ever want to forget where I was and yet that is part of growing, to be somewhere new.

Right with you friend.

Jeremiah 29:11 said...

Great post. Thanks for sharing your insight as we all try to navigate our own journeys in this life...

Grace in my Heart said...

Thank you for that beautiful reminder! :)

Becky said...

Please don't feel guilty about the blessings you have received. I think that stories like yours are so encouraging. When I read stories like yours and my friend Wendi's (Life in the Polar North Defrosts), it is so clear to me that it is God. It is so clear to me that His plan is truly better than my plan. It helps me to trust Him and wait for Him to reveal His perfect plan for me.

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Amen! Wonderfully put, and I'm so glad that you have found this insight so that you will NOT feel guilty again :) You being deserving of your gifts does not mean that someone else whose gifts are still in the making are less deserving. (And really, a big part of all of our gifts was our Infertility. Without it, we wouldn't have this insight, and we wouldn't be the same kind of mothers that we now are/will be.)