I am not really a crier.
When I am tired I tend to be more impatient and unkind to those around me. This was a big prayer request of mine prior to Lauren's arrival...that I would still be kind to my dear hubby when I was tired, stressed or overwhelmed.
So far, God has heard those prayers because instead of lashing out at Ryan, I just...cry.
Almost every day.
One day I cried because Samuel started walking (yes, he's walking! Not consistently but I have no doubt he will be walking everywhere very soon). The tears came as I realized he is quickly growing into a toddler.
One day I cried because I felt so overwhelmed with the responsibility of caring for these two kiddos and didn't know how I would do it.
One day I cried because I tried to smell Lauren and found she was losing her sweet baby smell (the most incredible smell my nose has ever had the privilege of smelling. I wish I could bottle it up and store it forever on my nightstand).
One day I cried as I held Lauren because I was so humbled that God gave her to us. Why do we deserve another baby? Why did we get another precious miracle to hold in our arms? In awe and humility I cried before the Lord.
One day I cried because Samuel was going to my mom, Ryan's mom and Ryan when he needed something rather than coming to me. And it broke my heart. In my last days of pregnancy and early recovery days other people took care of Samuel for the most part. So he started going to them when he needed something. That's already changing, but the day I observed it, the tears quickly came.
It's best if no one asks why I'm crying because sometimes I don't have an answer. Sometimes I just cry. There is nothing anyone can do to make it better. I just need to get the tears out and then I'll be fine.
They are good. They are healthy. They are healing. They show emotion and feeling. They help me work through my crazy hormones. They communicate to Ryan that I just need to be held and loved.
Tears. They are the words of the heart. And these days my heart has a lot to say.