So today I went to the doctor for my follow-up appt. I really can't believe I am sharing this on the blog, but oh well. I've shared quite a bit already, haven't I?
The doctor was asking me various questions and wanted to know if I had thought about birth control.
Immediately I had a flashback: One year ago this month I sat in a room in the same clinic having a follow up appt after my D&C. We brought Samuel to that appt (should have seen the look on my doc's face when we told him that story!). He asked us if we wanted to discuss birth control since we now had an infant.
Well we didn't discuss it and three months later little Lauren was conceived.
I am sure discussing birth control is typical during these appts, but it caught me by surprise. Maybe because I don't think about birth control. For so many years, all I thought about was how to get pregnant not how to prevent pregnancy.
There is something inside me that has a really hard time thinking about birth control. Even that word bugs me - after all, the only One controlling birth is the creator of life....not me.
However, I do not want three children under three. Then I certainly would not have time to blog :) I will gladly accept whatever miracles the Lord brings to the May family, but for now I'd like to lather all my time, love and attention on my two little ones.
So clearly Ryan and I have a decision to make. If we take the route we took last fall (deciding not to decide) we could quite possibly have three under three. This is something I am going to need to pray about. I have worked so hard to get my body healthy to be able to conceive that I don't want to put anything into it that could lessen chances of a future pregnancy should we ever decide we want to go that route again.
On that note, I have told many people that adopting Samuel was much easier than 9 months of pregnancy followed by labor & delivery and weeks of recovery. But, of course, our adoption went very smooth.
I am so thankful that the Lord is the One who opens and closes my womb. Try as I might to get pregnant or avoid pregnancy, ultimately He is the giver and taker of life.
Wow. These are some jumbled thoughts today. But even after all this time it's hard to go from infertile to fertile...especially when that means I need to make decisions about birth control as my heart continues to ache for those of you who long for your own little miracle.