Thursday, October 8, 2009

Early morning thoughts

This morning as I was feeding Lauren at 5 a.m. I started thinking -- not something I typically do during the early hours of the morning -- about parenthood, expectations and waiting.

I pondered whether or not motherhood is what I expected? After waiting for babies for so long, is this what I thought it would be?

I wondered whether or not people who wait for babies parent differently than those who grow their family very quickly?

I thought about the kind of mom I am and how my years of waiting and my losses might contribute to how I parent. Am I more patient? More kind? More appreciative and grateful? Wiser? Stronger? Over protective?

I considered my friends who have car loads of kids. They have different parenting styles and philosophies. For some chaos is a daily part of life and for others, calm and order are necessary.

And I considered those I know who long for car loads of kids (or even just one!). How do they view parenthood and will those views line up with reality when they do become parents? How will they parent their children?

I guess it all comes down to...how do our life experiences impact us? How do they prepare us? How do they shape our expectations?

I didn't come up with any answers at 5 a.m. Just a lot of questions.

3 comments:

Sew said...

Good thoughts! I have often pondered how this time of wait & loss has impacted me as a mother already. I know internally some of the things I don't want to do. :)

I was the oldest of 6 so I have an inkling of the work load involved, the winter coats, the carseats, the strollers, the diaper bags, the laundry, meal time, diaper changes, change of season clothes etc..etc...We had three in diapers and one on the way, if I remember correctly. It was a ton of work! :)

For me this time of wait has pulled weeds. It changed my thinking of you just get married and get pregnant. It's more of a gift to me then it was when I first started this journey. I have always been pro-life, but I get it now. I'm really more pro-life now then ever because I see the gift and the miracle. :)

Do I think some of those weeds would have been dug up, pulled or even recognized if I weren't IF. Probably not. I do not believe I would have seen them as glaringly as I do now.

So it is a great time of reflection....Long enough if you ask me. :) I'm done reflecting! hahahaha

Anonymous said...

I'm the 9th of 9 and my mom had six kids under the age of six many moons ago.
They were strict (sort of), but we had a fun and loving childhood.
I want my kids to have that, too - the camping, the road trips...
(Of course, I'll never have nine kids...)

I have been married 7 years. We have a daughter by adoption (2.5) and I'm pregnant by surprise.
Without going into much detail, the start of my daughter's life was, um, a scary time. But we prayed and prayed and the young woman chose life and placed this precious baby with us. And not a day goes by that I don't think of how close she came to never being born, and how poorer the world would be without her. It still chills my blood to think how close we came. So, yes, that very much influences my parenting, because if I get irritated with her or am tired after a long day, there's a voice in the back of my head whispering, "Do you know how blessed you are right now?"

I love reading to her, singing to her and taking her to museums and concerts (classical concerts) and lo and behold, she's a child genius. She is SO smart and she's so loving and kind and creative and sweet. And THAT'S what happens when you relish parenthood to the extreme. I see it with many other post-IF parent bloggers too. Their kids are such a joy to them and it's reflected in the kids themselves.
My parents never struggled with IF, but this was their parenting style, too.


-Cathy

Anonymous said...

PS We are, however, not "overly permissive" parents. Mary Elizabeth gets her share of discipline and time outs. But she is one well-behaved kid. She sits quietly through Mass for sometimes 1.5 hours (depending on which Mass they're singing. Mozart tended to go on and on. And on.) and she doesn't hit or bite or pull hair. She certainly knows right from wrong. I think some parents fail to discipline their kids out of a sort of twisted "kindness", which is sad. We discipline out of love, so that she will be a good and holy member of society and so that she will one day join the communion of saints.

-C