This morning as I was feeding Lauren at 5 a.m. I started thinking -- not something I typically do during the early hours of the morning -- about parenthood, expectations and waiting.
I pondered whether or not motherhood is what I expected? After waiting for babies for so long, is this what I thought it would be?
I wondered whether or not people who wait for babies parent differently than those who grow their family very quickly?
I thought about the kind of mom I am and how my years of waiting and my losses might contribute to how I parent. Am I more patient? More kind? More appreciative and grateful? Wiser? Stronger? Over protective?
I considered my friends who have car loads of kids. They have different parenting styles and philosophies. For some chaos is a daily part of life and for others, calm and order are necessary.
And I considered those I know who long for car loads of kids (or even just one!). How do they view parenthood and will those views line up with reality when they do become parents? How will they parent their children?
I guess it all comes down to...how do our life experiences impact us? How do they prepare us? How do they shape our expectations?
I didn't come up with any answers at 5 a.m. Just a lot of questions.