I'm struggling with what to write on my post today. I am committed to being honest, open and authentic on this blog. And when I have hard days, I will not sugar coat it and pretend motherhood is a breeze.
But I also want to be sensitive, because I know that a lot of you reading this would give anything to have a hard day as a mom and I understand that. I know you would give anything to have two little children in your daily care.
Yet, I'm reminding myself that I'm not only writing to those of you who are walking a journey similar to what I did. I am writing to my friends who are currently in the same stage of life I'm in: mothering two little ones at home.
So here's to you guys: Molly, Heidi, Liz, Megan H, Megan S. We're in this together. We love it, but it's not easy...
Motherhood is hard. Really hard. For years I longed to be a mom, and it is an unbelievable privilege. But that doesn't mean it's easy. Ryan had a work event to attend last night so it was just me and the kids from sun up to sun down yesterday.
And it was tough.
Another night of little sleep and feeling under the weather started the day off a little rough. Having two kids wake up crying at the same time leaves you feeling inadequate to meet both their needs.
Repeating "be gentle to your sister, be nice to the cat, don't touch that, please leave those buttons alone" over and over makes you wonder how long it takes until "please listen and obey" is implemented.
Changing diapers, giving baths, dressing the kids. That is all part of motherhood. But when does motherhood stop and making meals, cleaning up the house, and washing clothes begin?
Yesterday I did not brush my teeth until I went to bed at 8 p.m. I have not showered since Monday night when I got into the tub with Samuel as I was giving him a bath. Really? My only shower this week was with my child? I wore a t-shirt and sweatpants all day. I saw no other adult besides my husband. I watched no television and did not listen to the radio.
My phone conversations were my only connection with the 'adult' world.
The dishwasher did not get emptied all day. The laundry did not get put in the dryer from the night before until late afternoon.
My lunch consisted of a banana and wheat thins at 2 p.m.
I let my child watch two DVDs as I fed his sister and felt guilty the entire time for letting him watch 'movies.' At least they were a Praise Baby DVD and a Signing DVD.
I read Goodnight Moon 15 times and wiped a runny nose 10 times.
I was impatient. I was selfish at times. I was crabby. I whined to my husband and begged God for a few minutes of rest. I talked with friends about sleep schedules, feedings, and the challenges of mothering two.
This may not be pretty but this is motherhood. Not as I wish it were some days. Not as I hope it might be. This is my life - the good, the bad and the ugly. I want to record it so I can remember it as I look back on these days...knowing I made it through. I survived two kids under 14 months.
P.S. Now I'm going to go take a shower.