Monday, March 15, 2010

Selfishness

The longer I am a mom, the more I am recognizing a trait in myself that I do not like. 

Selfishness. 

Straight out, total and complete selfishness. 

They say that marriage shows you how selfish you really are. That is true, but I say parenting takes that to a whole new level. 

Ryan is not selfish. 

He will gladly leave his food and eat it cold later.

He will get up early when the kids need attention.

He will sacrifice his needs, wants and desires. 

He will do what is best for our family.

For nearly 34 years I have taken care of me. MY wants, MY needs, MY desires. Eat when I want to eat. Sleep when I want to sleep. Read, shop, clean, bake, relax.

So I find myself telling Ryan these days, "Just give me a couple more minutes to do....."

GIVE ME.

I want more time to do what I want to do when I want to do it. Because I'm selfish. I am still focused on me. Habits developed over 34 years are not broken in 17 months.

Oh Lord help me, because selfishness is not an option anymore.

3 comments:

Cathy said...

Try not to be so hard on yourself.
The image of the long-suffering, completely selfless mother is a common one, especially in Mommy Blogland, but it's not real.
Every human has needs, whether they're 3 or 85.
For the record, my hubby is completely selfless, too. I think that's why our marriage works so well. We balance each other. (I like eating hot food. Sue me.)
:)

Anonymous said...

I'm not trying to downplay how selfless your husband is, but remember that you are with your children all day. It's ok to need a break and take care of what you need to take care of. But, we can ALL grow to be more selfless.

~Jenn~ said...

Stacy,

My husband and I had a conversation on this exact topic last week. We are still waiting, patiently now, on our future little one....and, in these three years of waiting, I have discovered my fear of not being selfless once we have children.

I am as selfish as one can be...

It is now a new prayer request (that God doesn't give me children until I can give up some of ME, MY, MINE...OR, that God gives me children to teach me to be selfless...)

It sounds like you are going down a future road that I will one day see...thank you for being so transparent and telling the truth about the joys (and difficulties) in parenting!