Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Words on Waiting: Joy

Last year I was waiting. Anxiously, excitedly, joyously waiting. Exactly 365 days ago I wrote this post about waiting. I was pregnant and waiting for my overdue baby to be born. I was striving to wait well.

TWO years ago on September 8 I wish I could have seen what the future held. Two babies in less than one year.

Here I am today on September 8 and we are, once again, waiting. Waiting for job postings. Waiting for e-mails from HR departments. Waiting for phone calls to set up interviews. Waiting for God to show Himself and unveil the plan that is already in the works.

I think back to a year ago and how I was waiting in sweet anticipation to meet my little girl.

I think ahead to one year from today and how we will have (I hope!) seen God answer our prayers for a job.

Oh, but the days, weeks and months of waiting are hard. And the longer the wait, the more I wonder when the waiting will end.

I'm not sure I really learned the lessons of waiting well because this time around I'm not doing a very good job of waiting well. Mostly I'm pretending we're not waiting. I try to avoid thinking about it, talking about it or praying about it. Unemployment that is.

My husband is consumed by searching for jobs, applying for jobs and planning for the future. I, on the other hand, seem to be doing a very good job of avoiding reality.

For some reason, my heart (or my head?) thinks if I avoid facing reality then maybe it's not really true?

I'm pretty sure that avoidance is not one of the 5 ways to wait well.

And avoidance is only making me crabby, unkind and impatient. I don't think those character qualities are marks of someone waiting well.

Psalm 90:14 says, "Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for JOY and be glad all our days."

I have these dates written next to that verse: 5/8/07, 7/10/07 and 9/17/07. Clearly 2007 was a hard year for me. Today I will write 9/8/10 next to that verse. Because once again, I need to pray these words.

I found a prayer based on Psalm 90:14 and prayed it often during my days of waiting: Satisfy me in the morning with your unfailing love, that I may sing for joy and be glad all of my days. Lord help me to pass these days of waiting with a song in my heart and gladness on my mind. Help me to learn the JOY of singing when you delay.

I left that prayer on a friend's pillow one night when I was at a weekend retreat because as I waited for a baby, she waited for a husband.

In Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram said this last week: The evidence of unfailing love in the heart of a believer is JOY.

Oh Lord, please teach me once again how to wait well. But please do it gently. My heart is tender and fragile these days as I look to a future filled with uncertainties. I long to seek you in these days of waiting. I long to have a joy-filled heart as I wait on you. Let me stand firmly, believe undoubtedly, trust unwaveringly, and know with certainty...that you make everything beautiful in its time.    

1 comment:

Stacey said...

I was just praying about you and the job situation last night. Just wanted you to know that I will continue doing so! Thinking of you.