Sunday, November 28, 2010

Dear Samuel and Lauren

Dear Samuel and Lauren,
It's Sunday night after Thanksgiving weekend. You are both sleeping (finally!) and the house is quiet. It's been a full weekend....with plenty of good moments, and a handful of hard ones.

Tonight as I was shaking a rug outside, I thought, "I'm not sure if I'm cut out for this parenting thing."

I don't know that I've ever thought that before. But tonight I really wondered if I am. Parenting has been difficult recently since we're dealing with colds, teething, a lack of sleep, holiday fun that causes late bedtimes and inconsistent naps....and learning what it means to parent a two-year-old.

I know that mothering is 24/7, but I was reminded of that again this weekend. There are times when I want to check out of parenting. Quit for the night. Clock out.

But that's not how it works. Even in the wee hours of the morning when the monitor tells me one of you is in need, I'm on the clock - with no warning or preparation.

I am so thankful for your dad who allows me to take afternoon naps (even if one of you aren't sleeping!). He is a great team player and parenting partner. You have a fabulous dad.

Samuel and Lauren, I've yelled at you both in the past few days and I'm not proud of myself. Being tired or impatient or frustrated or disappointed or unhappy is no excuse for hollering. Your hearts are so tender and I see the trust and love in your eyes. I don't ever want to hurt you...not with my looks, my tone, my voice, my actions.

But I have. And I will again. And I hope you'll forgive this mama who is learning a little bit more every day what it means to care for her blessings and love them as best as she knows how.

Thanksgiving 2010 I want you to know that I am so grateful for the two of you. My heart is overwhelmed at the depth of how much I love you both. I can't capture the feeling with words, I can only try to show you daily.

I am humbled and grateful to God for the opportunity to be your mom. I'm far from perfect, but we serve a perfect God who walks beside us on this parenting road. And tonight I thank Him for the sweet sweet blessing of being called 'mommy.'

I love you both dearly,
Mom

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