Thursday, January 27, 2011

Flat on my face

On my face.

That's how I found myself today.

2:30 p.m. Kids sleeping. Husband reading.

Me. On the living room floor. On. My. Face.

In desperate prayer before the Lord.

I gave it all to Him.

My husband's unemployment.

A friend's health.

A friend's devastating loss.

My weary body and sad heart.

Last night as I rocked Samuel hour after hour...and he puked hour after hour...I cried out to the Lord, "I can't take any more Lord. My plate is full. My husband. My friends. My children. The burdens are so heavy."

But today after a conversation with a wise woman in my life, she reminded me that these are not my burdens to bear.

The Lord did not give these to me to bear. I took them upon myself to carry. And that's not what He intended.

I want to bring meals. I want to watch kids. I want to offer hugs. I want to dry tears. I want to visit. I want to serve. I want to be it all. Do it all. Help. Heal.

But I can't. I never could. When I strive to do it and be it all, I only fall flat on my face.

Which brings me back to 2:30 p.m.

Flat on my face. On the living room floor.

Offering it all up to the Lord. Asking Him to show me what He wants me to do. How He wants me to help. Where He wants me to serve.

As I pleaded with the Lord to take the burdens, I physically felt them being lifted from my body.

It might have just been that my arms were falling asleep from laying in one position for so long.

But I think it was God helping me release the tight grip I had on these burdens in my life and replacing them with His peace.

As I look to the next two months I feel overwhelmed:

I see no change in Ryan's unemployment state.

I see a friend who continues to suffer in pain with no diagnosis or relief in sight.

I see a friend who has only begun to face the pain and grief associated with losing a spouse.

I see my mom who will have surgery and face an 8-week recovery.

Flat on my face. It's not an easy place to be, but it's a necessary place.

Flat on my face is where God gives rest to the weary.

Replaces anxiety with peace.

Restores the broken.

Begins the healing.

And offers hope for tomorrow.


JellyBelly said...

I continue to pray for you! I wish that I had some words to comfort you or a crystal ball to tell you that all will be okay (heck, I'd use that crystal ball for myself!).

It is so hard to trust and surrender when life is so overwhelmingly sad. He's carrying us, never doubt that.

Ken said...

Stacey,I am sending along this devotional from David Wilkerson,I pray it will be encouragement to you.


To believe when all means fail is exceedingly pleasing to God and is most acceptable.Jesus said to Thomas, “You have believed because you have seen,but blessed are those that do believe and have not seen” (John 20:29).

Blessed are those who believe when there is no evidence of an answer to prayer—who trust beyond hope when all means have failed.

Someone has come to the place of hopelessness—the end of hope—the end of all means. A loved one is facing death and doctors give no hope. Death seems inevitable. Hope is gone. The miracle prayed for is not happening.

That is when Satan’s hordes come to attack your mind with fear, anger,overwhelmingquestions:
“Where is your God now? You prayed until you had no tears left.You fasted. You stood on promises. You trusted.”

Blasphemous thoughts will be injected into your mind: “Prayer failed.Faith failed Don’t quit on God—just do not trust him anymore. It doesn’t pay!”

Even questioning God’s existence will be injected into your mind. These have been the devices of Satan for centuries. Some of the godliest men and women who
ever lived were under such demonic attacks.

To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon
hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense. You will see it was all part of my plan. It was
no accident. It was no failure on your part. Hold fast. Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”

Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. When all means fail—his love prevails. Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word.

There is no other hope in this world.