Thursday, January 13, 2011

What to do when you don't know what to do

I don't know what to do.

I just don't know.

Two conversations today have got me thinking about how I don't know what to do in this season of waiting.

I think I've forgotten how to wait well.

I think I've tossed all the lessons I learned about waiting.

I think I've easily slipped into bad habits and patterns of waiting that are not very life-giving.


In some ways - and on some days - I think I've chosen to pretend we're not waiting. Because I don't want to be waiting. Again.

I looked back at past posts I wrote about Being Still and Seeking God and to be honest what I feel like writing is blah. blah. blah.

I just don't want to do any of it. And therefore I don't know what to do.

And I know many of you out there don't know what to do either because your wait has been much longer than our current unemployment wait.

And you don't have two little miracles running around reminding you of God's goodness and faithfulness. I actually have three sweet miracles sleeping in my house right now but that's a story for another day.

I feel like there are many things I should do. 

I should pray or pray more. I should read the Word. I should fast. I should plead. I should petition on my husband's behalf. I should do something.

What I really want to do is not think about it. Not process. Not ponder. Not try to figure out what lesson the Lord might be trying to teach us (is He even trying to teach us a lesson?). Not discover His plan.

So I'm just sitting here in the midst of my junk. My selfishness. My laziness. My humanness. My sinfulness. I'm more focused on me than I am on Him which is probably 110% of the problem.
 

So maybe I do know what I need to do and I just don't want to do it.

And that realization is a tough one to swallow.

5 comments:

Angie said...

I think your feelings are completely valid. Whether you've "forgotten" how to wait?? Not sure on that, maybe it's just that we have to learn to wait during that particular time. Things are different, you are different. You are waiting for something different. So surely your feelings, loss of knowing "how" to wait... it's going to be different too? Does that make sense? I think it's ok to feel what you are feeling. Praying for you!

cybil said...

I rediscovered the book of Signa Bodishbaugh "The Journey to Wholeness in Christ". It's anamazing book, much is about learning to listen to the voice of God - a 40 days journey. Here's the link http://www.christanglican.com/content/ordering-resources-journey-0
I can really recommend it - it gives fresh love to be just in God's presence and listen...

Anonymous said...

Friend, I'm praying this week for you. Can't wait to talk this week about anything and everything :)

little fingers little toes said...

I stumbled on your blog while looking for verses on waiting for Gods perfect plan. Let me just say I waited a long time to have a baby in my arms and I have been blessed with two, nothing is scarier than have your little blessings yet feeling like you have no way of taking care of them. After my second son was born, my husband and felt that God was leading me to stay at home. Out of the blue my husband was laid off. God gave us another job which my husband worked for 5 months and was laid off again. We moved 5 hours away and still have a house that house not sold and now have a.lease as well. My soul is crying out andcraving to understand Gods purpose. Why were brought here? Why would God choose to crush this noble man I call husband? Will I be required to give up my dream of another baby? I am in free fall. I am trying to moment by moment to find joy where and when I can while I wait for Gods perfect plan. A friend of mine said faith implies an element of doubt, because if we knew for certain it would not be faith. So I wait with a faithful heart wrapped in Gods grace. I believe he has a plan and their are worse things than being laidoff 2 times in 10 months.

Leslie Broussard said...

Stacy,

I think that the moment we acknowledge that we "just don't want to" is the moment God becomes the MOST powerful.

Many many blessings,
Leslie