Friday, February 4, 2011

A day of remembering

It’s February 4, and today I’m remembering.

I’m remembering the joy of my first positive pregnancy test.

The sweetness of handing my husband an early Father’s Day card to announce he would soon be a dad.

The excitement of sharing the news with my in-laws as we brought them to the exact spot where his mom told his dad they would be expecting their first.

The fun of wrapping up a onesie and giving it to my parents.

Thinking of names.

Wondering about the sex of the baby.

Counting out the weeks until my February 4 due date on my calendar.

Choosing my clinic and making my first doctor appt.

Waiting for pregnancy symptoms or signs to appear.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Noticing signs that something wasn’t quite right.

Bright red blood.

Tears.

Heaps of tears.

Calling the doctor. Ultrasound. Hearing the words that confirmed our fears and the medical diagnosis – a blighted ovum.

Overwhelming sadness. Incredible physical pain. Emotional heartbreak.

Crossing off February 4 on my calendar and hoping that by my due date I would be pregnant again. 

Remembering that I didn't write my story. Because if I had, it certainly wouldn’t have gone like this.

God wrote it. I’m living it.

And today I’m remembering.

1 comment:

Sky said...

I'm so glad God is in charge... otherwise I would not be joyful in hope.

And although I didn't get pregnant by my due date, I know I don't have to worry. Because He's got it covered.

I'm so glad He blessed you with miracle children :-)