Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Words on waiting...again

So I was going to post about perseverance. I just read a quote about perseverance in marriage and it's pretty powerful. And I've been praying for perseverance for Ryan a lot these days.

I did a search to see what I've written about perseverance previously and came across this Words on Waiting post I wrote on Tuesday, May 5, 2009.

Lauren wasn't yet born. Samuel was just 7 months old. I had waited for kids and now I had a baby and thought my waiting was over.

I was ready to share with the world my 'wise words' on waiting.

And here I am almost two years later reading those 'wise words' and thinking to myself: that girl didn't know anything about waiting.

Well maybe she knew some things about waiting, but she wrote with a confidence of someone whose waiting was over and lessons were learned.

She didn't know she would soon wait again. 

She didn't know she would have to re-learn many of those lessons on waiting that she thought she had mastered. 

As I read the list of verses on waiting in my previous post, I had to ask myself:
Am I trusting in His holy name?
Am I laying my requests before the Lord and waiting in expectation?
Am I waiting patiently for God?
Am I putting my hope in His Word?

And most of all, do I believe that blessed are all who wait for Him?

I want to be that girl again. I want to be the girl from 2009 who wrote the words on waiting post. Because after years of waiting, I thought I had learned my lessons and achieved my badge of honor in the category of waiting.

But I'm not that girl. I'm a girl whose found herself in another season of waiting. And I'm still dealing with bitterness and impatience and all the yuckiness in one's heart that comes out during refining seasons of life.

Part of me wants to tell that girl to stuff it

And then there's another part of me that longs to be that girl who was filled with trust and faith and confidence in a great big God who had answered amazing prayers in her life - one was growing in her womb and the other she held in her arms.

Where did that girl go? Is she lost? Battered, broken and beaten? Will she discover new words on waiting?

I don't know. Because I'm not yet on the other side of my waiting.

But with all my heart, I hope and pray and beg and plead with God to not let me waste this season of waiting.

1 comment:

JellyBelly said...

I think of you often, as we wait for different things. During my incredibly long wait I try to remind myself that there is a divine plan and that I have to trust. And when that doesn't work I plead with God.

I continue to pray for you!