Sunday, June 5, 2011

One year of unemployment

This week marks one year of unemployment for Ryan.

One year.

It was 12 months ago that I wrote a post titled Jesus I Trust in You.

Just like my journey to parenthood, I'm so thankful I did not know a year ago what our journey through unemployment would be like. Because, of course, we knew Ryan would get a job quickly. He would absolutely have a job by summer's end, if not before. And certainly by the fall. Most likely he would get hired by the end of 2010. Possibly he will get a job post-Christmas. Well maybe by spring. Hopefully by summer.

And here we are.

12 months later.

Sometimes I can still hardly believe my husband doesn't have a full time job. He is so skilled. So talented. So educated. So connected. So willing and desiring to work.

How is this possible?

Other times I think about God and what He must be thinking up there in the Heavens. And how with one gentle whisper or one slight move of His hand, he could give Ryan the job of his dreams.

And I wonder why He hasn't done that? What is He waiting for? Is there a lesson we need to learn that we're not learning? Is this a path we need to walk because we are being refined? Am I over-spiritualizing this trial and it's really just a result of a bad economy and we're suffering the ongoing effects of the recession?

I mean, c'mon! The guy has had close to 40 interviews. He's met with agencies and large companies and recruiters and every size business in-between.

It seems strange to me. Just as it seemed strange when God said no to us and we felt called to wait for our babies. God has clearly been saying 'no' to us....instead of through pregnancy tests and doctor's visits, it's been through emails and phone calls and HR reps.

What has amazed me is how similar this road of unemployment has been to the infertility journey. While the latter was so much more painful emotionally, the rollercoaster of emotions has been very similar. Hopeful, wait, wait,

This season is much like our previous season in that it has involved a lot of waiting. Actually, it hasn't involved waiting. It is waiting. We are waiting. It's all waiting. Waiting on God.

This season is similar in that we've experienced dark moments and hard moments and challenging moments. And yet we've also experienced sweet sweet moments and tender moments and joy-filled moments. We've seen God work in tremendous ways and we've been loved by a community of people that has been the hands and feet of Jesus to us.

We are different people today than we were in June 2010. We are better people. We are more compassionate people. We are stronger people.

And, yet, better, compassionate and stronger has not landed Ryan a job.

I feel like I should end this post with some hopeful words. Some Biblical insight. Some wisdom or encouragement.
Not tonight friends. Tonight it's just raw honesty. Tonight we're just here. We're walking through the valley. We're being refined by the fire. We're developing perseverance. We're running the race.

We're still trusting in God. We're still crazy about Jesus. We're still loving each other and laughing every day. We're still keeping our eyes fixed on our Savior.

We don't know how this story ends. We don't know how many more pages until this chapter comes to a close. But we know the One who is writing our story. We know the author and perfecter of our faith. We know that grass withers and flowers fade, but the WORDS of our God stand forever. And we know that our God makes everything beautiful in its time.


A Martha trying to be Mary said...

I am crying for and with you. I have been a long time reader of yours and have long admired the beauty of your words. My DH also lost his corporate job and has not found one since, he has a job, but one that is part time and cannot possibly even beging to support us. I have been supporting us for the last 3 years and this together with If has been so, so hard. I never compared the IF journey to this journey, but you are completly right. Tonight several bloggers and I will be doing an international novena to St. Anthony and I will add this intention to the novena. St. Anthony has done so many miracles finding things lost, answers and jobs. Will pray very very hard for you and your family

~Jenn~ said...

You are right, everything will be made His time. My husband and I are STILL (four years later) walking through the road of infertility. I keep a check on your blog to see if Ryan has found a job yet, and to see how God is still transforming you guys through this whole thing. Something that stuck out to me from this post was the words "through the valley". Our pastor talked about walking through the valley of the shadow of death (as described in Psalms) and really emphasized the word THROUGH. When I really started thinking about the word "through", it brought me so much hope. The scripture did not say that he was walking "into an eternal pit, dead end, or a place of no return" said THROUGH. Which means...a temporary state. It feels so good to know that our valleys that we walk through will be temporary. Just keep thinking about the word "through" and will come on on the other end. Forever changed.