In previous posts I’ve mentioned Shauna Niequist and her book Bittersweet (which is getting mixed reviews from my friends and family so read at your own risk!). Shauna mentions in her book, that during a challenging season of her life she wanted an answer, a timeline and a map.
I want those too.
But instead of getting an answer, a timeline or a map, we got a letter in the mail on Monday.
It was the one we had been waiting for. We knew it was coming…but still. I wanted to be the one to find it so I could gently break the news to my husband. But, I was not. I got a call at work Monday and my husband told me he had opened the mail and his last employment option was off the table.
This is absolutely one of those times when I want to ask God, “What are you DOING? I mean really Lord, what is your plan? What do you have in store? And when exactly will your plan be revealed? Can you at least throw us a lifeline? Send a note? Write in the sky? Give us some indication that you are still big, still in control and still working this thing out for your good and your glory?”
I mean I KNOW He is. But at the same time I REALLY want Him to give me something tangible that I can cling to right now.
Like say, an answer, a timeline and a map.
But if I had those items in my hand, I certainly wouldn’t be seeking the face of the Lord. And the reality is, I’m not gonna get those things anyway because that’s not how God works.
He won’t give me answers. He will give me Himself.
He won’t show me His timeline. He will show me the truth of Ecc 3:11.
He won’t point me to a map of my future. He will point me to His Word.
I want to take that letter and send it right back where it came from. I want to burn it. I want to run it out to the garbage can and toss it in so I can pretend it was never mailed to our home. It was the one job we had been waiting for. It was so perfect. They pursued Ryan. He didn’t pursue them.
But then I cool down, and remind myself of these three truths:
1. It was NOT the one we were waiting for. He is the only One we are waiting for.
2. Our God is pursuing Ryan as fervently and passionately as He has since Ryan drew his first breath.
3. I’ve got a love letter written to me that I can read, re-read, meditate upon, question, study and ponder. It’s not an answer, a timeline or a map, but it’s a letter written from His heart to mine and it’s waiting for me every day.