Monday, September 19, 2011

I'd like to get off the roller coaster please

Last week was rough.

It was a delight to celebrate Lauren's birthday on Tuesday.

But from there the week went downhill.

On August 30 Ryan had a second interview with a potential employer. They told him they would get back to him by Friday, Sept. 9. We didn't hear from them on Sept. 9, nor did we hear anything the following Monday, Sept. 12. Ryan called to check in a couple times and both times he was told they hadn't yet made a decision.

Late Tuesday he got an email stating they wanted to talk to him on Wednesday. Let me be specific: the head HR guy wanted to talk to him.

We were so excited. We thought for sure this was the job we had been waiting for.

We prayed like crazy all day Wednesday that Ryan would get a job offer.

But they never called.

Nor did they call on Thursday.

On Friday Ryan got a call that they chose another candidate.


Why wait all that time to tell him he wasn't chosen? Because they wanted to let him know it was between him and another guy and they went with the other guy.

Thank you very much. That makes him feel so much better.

I don't think it's putting it mildly that when Ryan told me on Friday they called not to offer him a job, but to let him know they chose someone else, I was devastated. I cried. I was angry. I was confused. I had put a lot of hope into this job.

And I wanted off the roller coaster.

What roller coaster you ask?

The roller coaster of unwanted emotions.

The same roller coaster of emotions that many of you are riding. The one that goes up and down, and up and down with the highs and lows that life brings. It's the rollercoaster you ride while dating and waiting for that potential future spouse. Is he the one? Is she the wife I've dreamt of? Hope, hope, hope.....disappointment.

For some of you, it's the roller coaster of emotions while living with infertility. All signs point toward a positive this month. You start planning and dreaming (in your head of course). You count the days until you should take a test. Hope, hope, hope......disappointment.

And for still others, it's the roller coaster of emotions while struggling with a health issue. Ongoing, chronic health issues that prevent you from living the normal, healthy, active life you once enjoyed. With each doctor's appt. and each new medication, you hope your pain will end or your symptoms will go away or your disease will be healed. Hope, hope, hope......disappointment.

I'm riding the roller coaster of emotions that comes with unemployment. Ryan has been told ‘no’ many times this past year, but this last time was really rough on me. And the only thing I could think of when the 'no' came and the hope was deflated, was that it felt just like the many times I thought I might be pregnant. Cramping. Tender breasts. Long cycle. All signs point to a positive! And then the test produced just one line instead of two. That's when heartache and tears and anger replaced anticipation and hope for the future.

So I've decided I want off the roller coaster of emotions that comes with unemployment. I don't want to invest any more time or energy or prayers or fasting or petitioning or tears or emotions into this ride. Right now it's seems the roller coaster is heading on a downward slope rather quickly.

And if I let it, it will take me straight down with it.

Here's the thing: I'm the one that put myself on this roller coaster and I'm the only one who can take myself off the roller coaster. God doesn't ask me to ride this wave of emotions. He doesn't ask me to fight this battle, stay focused and determine to make it through. He doesn’t tell me to strap in and hold on as tight as I can.

He says: Be still. My grace is sufficient for you. I will fight this battle for you. Rest for your weary soul is found in me and me alone. I will uphold you. I will sustain you. I will be your hope.

God is inviting me to jump off this roller coaster of ridiculous highs and lows and place my hope, my trust, my joy…in Him.

Only He is consistent. He is constant. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the Word of our Lord stands forever.

And the truth is, God’s roller coaster doesn’t have highs and lows. It’s not impacted by our circumstances. When our joy is in Him, it’s here to stay. When our peace comes from Him, it’s peace that passes all understanding. When our hope is in Him, it’s not impacted by the changes life brings.

Would you like to join me in getting off the roller coaster of emotions? It’s not easy. Sometimes the roller coaster is an exhilarating ride. It’s a high like no other. But you never know where it’s going, when the next up or down is coming, or, most importantly, who is directing your ride.

The Prince of Peace is inviting me to get off the roller coaster. This invitation requires handing over the reins and giving up control.

It’s not a one-time decision. It’s daily.

And I think I'd like to accept.


Traveller said...

"I'm the one that put myself on this roller coaster and I'm the only one who can take myself off the roller coaster. God doesn't ask me to ride this wave of emotions"

I like it. Again, still, appreciate your honest sharing of life as it is, yet reaching to life that life that boasts of Someone Bigger.

Your post reminds me of something Dallas Willard says that challenges me. I forget the exact context, but I think he was talking about living an unhurried and unstressed life, and the key is to "Leave all outcomes to God".

Yeah, I believe it. When I get to really and completely doing that--and I thnk I've almost been there sometimes, or been there for short periods of time--there will be peace, there will be joy, there will be hope, in spite of the tremendous challenges.

Praying peace for you today. Rough to get another rejection...

(did you read...the post about the author of "the Help"--rejected by 62 agents, over was it 3.5 or 5 years, before finally a taker...)

Thankful said...

Praying for your family. I read often but am an awful commenter, sorry.

Anonymous said...

I know I read about it, but I would still like to chat sometime - no kids, no lunches, no distractions if that's humanly possible at this point in our lives :) You are doing a good job my friend.

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

I hope you do accept!

Leslie Broussard said...

Wow. Stacy, seriously. Wow. Thank you. I don't fit into any of the groups you mentioned, but I definitely ride a roller coaster of emotions. And never had I realized that it was my doing. Wow. Thank you. From the depths of my soul, thank you.

Kim said...

You are always an inspiration to me, I am so happy the Lord put you in my path. I have been on the roller coaster before and I am finding myself at peace lately, interesting how when we have Faith and trust, the ups and downs decease.

I always said, rather than being the waves and tides that are in constant motion, up & down, I preferred to be the sand at the bottom of the ocean that just drifts gently around - the calmness of that seems so much more appealing. It is very possible by because of this very reason: "He says: Be still. My grace is sufficient for you. I will fight this battle for you. Rest for your weary soul is found in me and me alone. I will uphold you. I will sustain you. I will be your hope."

Thank you for sharing your jourbey with us, and for teaching us along the way, from your own trials, how we can be better followers.

Stacey said...

Sweet friend, I am so sorry that this painful time of waiting (and all of those emotions that it brings) is dragging on for both of you. The Lord uses your words and your ability to write, to look deeper, and to trust Him in the midst of trials in such a powerful way. I'm thankful for you and I'm praying that He'll continue to give you peace.