Monday, November 21, 2011

God…in a box?

Last week while Samuel was fighting a high fever, we read book after book after book, snuggled morning, noon and night, and watched plenty of movies (what else do you do when you are 3 years old and your temperature is 104?).

So I plopped the kiddos on our bed a few mornings in a row and between Dora adventures and Lightening McQueen races, I attacked some piles.

And when I say piles, I mean piles. Without an office or craft room or desk for myself, I pile papers and books and random miscellaneous items in our bedroom. Even for someone as unorganized as me, my piles were driving me crazy.

What I hadn’t anticipated was that as I went through piles, I also journeyed through our history as a family. 

Adoption paperwork that I printed out on August 9, 2008 - 8 days before we found out we were pregnant for the second time.

A calendar page from August 2008 with my handwritten notes on August 16 when we found out we were pregnant. And more notes on August 29 when I went to the doctor, had an ultrasound and then gave my parents a card on their anniversary telling them their grandchild was on the way.

A sympathy card expressing heartfelt grief over the loss of our second baby through miscarriage.
Samuel’s bracelet from the hospital. How did that ever fit around his wrist? Was he really that tiny? And how privileged are we to have been able to take him home from the hospital just 48 hours after laying our eyes on him?

A piece of paper with a list of names as we quickly tried to choose a name for our new baby boy!

A fax from October 17, 2008, to Adoption Minnesota with our medical history.

A baby book made for Samuel at one of his showers.

Our baby registry for Samuel.

A pregnancy test that told us we were expecting Lauren.

Lauren’s ultrasound pictures (I had been wondering what I had done with those but at the time the photos were taken I had a 3-month-old and placing them in a safe spot was not at the top of my to-do list). 

A Happy 1st Mother's Day card.

Congratulations on your baby girl cards. Pink booties.

Dedication cards and birthday card

Hair from first hair cuts.

I put all these precious items in a special box and placed it in my closet.

Every item brought about a different emotion in me. Some made me cry. Some made me smile. Some made me want to shout for joy. I couldn’t believe as I worked my way through my piles, the memories that came rushing back to me. And how every memory had an emotion attached to it.

It’s strange to think that my story is made up of the things in that box. Hurt. Sadness. Loss. Celebration. Joy. Miracles.

Often my story is just words. Thoughts and reflections about this journey we’re walking. 

But in that box are real, tangible items that tell our story. Treasure upon treasure that proclaims the faithfulness and goodness of our God. That box speaks of a plan so much better and grander than any plan I could have made.

That box tells of a story that began long before Samuel’s and Lauren’s births. It’s a story that tells us God can use heartache for good. He can turning our mourning into rejoicing. He can bring laughter from our tears.

That box reminds me that adoption was to be part of my story even when I knew nothing about adoption and didn’t know it was what I longed for and dreamt of.

That box is a sweet, sweet reminder of how our great, loving God makes everything beautiful in its time.

Day 21: I am thankful that my children stand at the door and wait for me with great anticipation every single time I come home work. They greet me with extreme joy, laughter, smiles and let me know I am dearly loved.


JellyBelly said...

What a beautiful reflection! It's amazing what we discover when we go through our piles!

cybil said...

Very beautiful!! Reminds me also of some piles! :-)