Sunday, May 20, 2012

Working mom

I've held a lot of titles before, but working mom is a new one for me. Working 20 hours a week outside the home that is.

Working outside of the home, while also trying to care for those inside my home (husband, son, daughter) is proving to be very challenging.

My time is split. My energy is split. My heart is split.

I love my kiddos. I also love writing and am so thankful for a job that allows me to write (about Jesus!) and helps me provide financially for our family until my husband is able to do that again.

I have this amazing job that I love and consider a gift from God.

And yet it's hard.

It's hard to work outside the home all day and then come home and feed hungry mouths and give baths and tuck in little bodies only to do it all over again the next day. And the next.

Thankfully I only work three days a week. I am in AWE of mother's who work outside the home full-time. You have my deepest respect because this working mom thing is tricky.

My sweet Lauren is sick so I sent an email to my team tonight saying I'll be working from home tomorrow. Two weeks ago Samuel had pink eye and I had to leave work to be with him for 1 1/2 days.
The reality is that no one else can be my kids' mom. Not their dad. Not other caregivers. Not teachers. Not even grandma (and they've got two really really good grandmas!).

Samuel has no other mom. Lauren has no other mom. God gave them to me.

That's why heading out the door to the working world and then returning home and being a dedicated and committed mom is tough.

And I realize a little more each week that I truly have no idea what I'm doing or how to make it work. It's not just about meal plans and cleaning schedules and planning ahead and eliminating the unimportant from the schedule and extra hands to get things done. It's just...hard.

But I also know it's just a season. I'm going to blink and my kiddos will be in school and I'll have more time on my hands then I know what to do with. And as evidenced by the fact that today I attended a high school graduation open house of one of my flower girls from my wedding, I'm fairly certain I'm going to blink for a second time and my kids will be off on their next adventure and I'll be standing there wondering what happened to these busy, crazy, exhausting years.

Drying tears and potty training and endless home-cooked meals and frequent snacks and piles of laundry and sweet prayers and tons of books and dirty feet and happy faces...that's what these days are full of.

I love working. I truly do. God created me to write and the fact that I can write and get paid is an absolute blessing from Him.

I also love being a mom. And I recognize these years are fleeting. So I'm trying to soak up every smile and giggle and spontaneous dance around the house. I'm trying to let go of cleanliness and organization (well mostly cleanliness because there isn't an organized bone in this creative body) and choose what who is most important.

It's a learning process. Like so many other things God is teaching me, I'm learning what it means to be a working day at a time. And by His grace, my kids will remember these years as full of fun and laughter and a lot of dependence on a great, big God.


Mie said...

Stacy - I've worked full-time and have been a full-time student the entire time I've been a parent. I'm not one of those moms who you'd call "career-oriented" - if I could I'd spend every waking moment with my kiddos. But that is not what God has called me to at this moment and for the past 5 years I've been learning how to do both as best as I can.

The best tip I can give you seem to already understand. Keep it all in perspective. Though I'm the breadwinner and on the outside might appear to be a "career-woman" with the high-power/paying job, my family comes before my job every time. I have to remind myself of that when I come home to 3 preschoolers and a kindergartner who need me to do everything for them and who scream and whine and need dinner and bed. They want me - they need me, and I have to give them AT LEAST as much as I gave my job that day.

Anonymous said...

So true friend, so true. So thankful the Lord has given me friends like you to walk the working mom road with!
- Mir