Monday, October 8, 2012

The insanity of waiting

I emailed a friend today and  jokingly told her my next blog post was going to be titled, "The insanity of waiting."

Well, as it turns out, that's exactly what I'm blogging about tonight.

Because friends, I'm not writing about waiting from the perspective of someone who once had a season of waiting. I write as someone who is in a season of waiting...a season that is nearing 30 months.

And today amidst my waiting, all I feel is total and complete insanity.

That doesn't sound very Biblical or spiritual does it? 
That's OK because I'm not about sounding spiritual...I'm about being real. And today my reality feels totally insane.

Ryan has completed four interviews with the same company recently. We were very, very hopeful. The company started with 100 resumes, interviewed 20 people, and Ryan was one of four people left that they were still considering.

We were told he would have a fifth interview tomorrow (Tuesday) with the CEO. However, when a recruiter contacted him today and didn't have any further news about another interview, we took that as a sign that they are probably going with another candidate.

Then Ryan got a call this afternoon that he has an interview with a really great school that he would love to work at. We are both very excited about this possibility.

High. Low. High.

In a matter of about 8 hours.

I mean c'mon. This is crazy people! 

And it happens over and over and over again. 
Last night a friend asked me, "How discouraged are you in this?" 

I responded that I didn't really feel discouraged. 

And I don't. I just feel totally insane! 

While the temptation is certainly there to be discouraged, and I have definitely faced discouragement on this journey, I do not feel discouraged. I actually feel like laughing.

I can't decide if I want to laugh because I feel like we might be on the verge of something really great...or because there are some really great options in front of us and if none of them pan out then I might actually lose it and go insane?

Or maybe, just maybe, it's the knowledge that there is a great big God up there whose got some ridiculously awesome plan in store for us and all I can do is laugh...and hold my head high and face the insanity with a smile on my face.

Because that's how waiting is some times: it's insanely crazy.

I haven't adopted internationally but the waiting that comes with that journey can only be described as insane.

And for those who are waiting for a medical diagnosis or healing...the doctor's appointments and medications and communication that needs to happen: insane.

But here's the thing: God's bigger than my insanity (praise the Lord!). He's got my back. And I think He might even be laughing right along with me.

He's reminding me of the insanity I once experienced when I found out I was pregnant, lost the baby to miscarriage and received the gift of another baby all in 49 days.

Insane? Totally. 

A reason to laugh? Absolutely!

Remember Sarah? God brought her laughter when she was very very old. And for thousands of years we have laughed with her.

So today I'm feeling a bit insane. 

Tomorrow I might cry. Next week I might be discouraged. 

But today I'm believing that one day (hopefully very soon) God might turn our time of insane waiting into a time of laughter, and then I can say to all of you: laugh with me!


cybil said...

It's really the most important thing to keep laughing! No matter what! :-)) God is good!

schumt said...

I added up the months of our waiting...34 months. If you didn't laugh, you'd cry. I can't imagine all this waiting without faith in our loving God. THAT would be depressing!