Friday, April 19, 2013
We serve a God of surprises
God brought Ryan and I our first – and very biggest – surprise in October 2008: a baby boy. As you know, in just 5 hours we became parents to Samuel who has since taken over our hearts with his love, energy and big heart. We are crazy about this kid and can’t believe this year we will celebrate five years of life with him. What an honor. What a blessing. Our hearts are full of gratitude.
In January 2009 God brought us another surprise when we learned Samuel was going to be a big brother. We had tried and planned to get pregnant for more than three years. But we saw our plans erased when two pregnancies and years of waiting resulted in multiple miscarriages. When we least expected it – while we were in the midst of learning the ropes of parenthood – God sent us another surprise and today we call her Lauren. She has captured our hearts and we are madly in love with our sweet girl.
It is with a mixture of great joy and disbelief that I write to tell you that God has granted us a third surprise on our journey to parenthood. Although I have known about this for some time now, as I write these words tears fill my eyes because of the precious and unexpected miracle that is taking place within me. I can honestly say I didn’t ever think I would conceive again and yet I have. Our third child is expected to make his/her arrival on or around September 25.
My mom pointed out recently that all of our children have been surprises. In thinking about that, I realize she is absolutely right. The times when we have tried to control the growth of our family led us to frustration, disappointment and heartache as we waited on God and experienced the grief of multiple miscarriages.
It's only when God had our attention elsewhere, that He saw fit to send us our surprises. That's not everyone's story, but it's ours.
Many friends have asked how I feel about this surprise. Ryan and I knew we wanted a third child, we just didn’t care if he/she was biological or adopted. So my overwhelming response is that I feel incredibly privileged to have this opportunity. I have had one ultrasound that immediately put to rest my concerns about miscarrying. I saw the very tiny flutter of a heartbeat and was reminded again that God is the author and perfector and creator of life. Life does not begin outside the womb – it begins at the moment of conception. Our baby at just six weeks was already growing and developing the heart that he/she will have for the rest of his/her life. And I pray that this little heart would one day come to know and love Jesus.
While I feel incredibly privileged to experience the miracle of pregnancy again, my heart hurts and aches for those of you who read these words and it causes you pain. Because I know. I have been there. I clearly remember when pregnancy announcements put me in tears. I am under no illusions that some of you will not feel that same pain and I understand. And I want you to know that it’s OK. As you wait on God – for a baby or whatever else your heart desires – may you find the God of perfect timing dries your tears and holds you closely as you place your hope in Him.
I will not be posting pictures of the baby’s nursery or writing daily updates on the pregnancy. That’s not the purpose of this blog nor is it where my heart is. I will continue to write about God’s timing, God’s endless and overwhelming grace in my life and all that He is teaching me through this journey of life. Our family is embarking on a new chapter. It’s filled with anticipation, excitement and, yes, a bit of anxiety about the future as well. But our God is a provider, protector and sustainer.
And He is, most definitely, a God of surprises.